Getting Intentional
Hi! Welcome to An Unraveling! If you are new here, check out some previous posts like this or this or learn more here. Follow along and let’s be friends IRL.
The other day I was teaching a spin class (to a particularly fire playlist I might add), when I realized what my “thing” was.
You know how all workout instructors have that one phrase they always repeat? Like, “how you do anything is how you do everything,” or “leave it all on the mat”? As I wrapped up my class, I noticed I had said "get intentional" about four different times and that’s when it hit me—that’s my thing!
I had to laugh. I am constantly talking about intentionality and trying to prioritize it in my life, whether in my relationships, daily routines, or workouts. Lately however, I’ve realized there’s an area I’m lacking in: I’m not the most intentional with my downtime.
This hit home when my phone notified me that my screen time had increased by 53% in the past few weeks. Granted, some of that was due to reading more on my Kindle app, but most of it was from scrolling through Substack notes or watching Modern Family on my lunch break. And while not inherently bad, it is worth noticing.
When I have a moment of down time, where does my attention go? And does it really matter?
John Mark Comer thinks it does.
“What you give your attention to is the person you become. Put another way: the mind is the portal to the soul, what you fill your mind with will shape the trajectory of your character. (The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry)
What you give your attention to is the person you become.
Who am I becoming?
My hope is that over the next few decades, I will become the kind of person that embodies more love, joy, peace and patience than I do now. That I will be a non-anxious presence. Someone who loves mercy and acts justly more with each passing day. My hope is that I will look more like Jesus. But if my screen time is any indication, I have a long way to go.
Thankfully, there is grace. I am not asked to be perfect, only to notice. Where does the majority of my attention go?
As I honestly reflect on this, I find an invitation to become more intentional.
According to Google, intentionality means deliberate action. Whatever I think or do, I do it deliberately.
While this sounds great, in actuality it’s quite hard. Especially on days where I am tired, hungry, stressed or feeling any sort of discomfort.
Humans are wired to avoid discomfort (which is why it is so easy to avoid, numb or scroll in the face of it). We are designed to notice it (as it might involve a threat) and then seek something more comfortable. This makes being intentional particularly challenging.
Discomfort can also be thought of as a form of resistance. As Elizabeth Stanley puts it:
“Resistance is anything that interferes with manifesting our intentions and goals - including the goals of healing, growing, and evolving. Thus, resistance may show up any time we direct ourselves to do something that may involve physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, or relational discomfort…For example, procrastination, anxiety, looking for easy gratification (through shopping, substances, food ,or entertainment), self-defeating behaviors, perfectionism and fear of failure are all common forms of resistance. (Widen The Window)
Whenever I feel discomfort, there's also an element of resistance at play. In response, the easiest thing to do is avoid (which is why I often reach for my phone, voice memo a friend, vacuum the kitchen, or snack instead of tackling an uncomfortable task).
But as my girl Brene Brown says,
“We need to get deliberate in the face of uncomfort. When I feel uncomfortable... that is a good thing. I need to lean into the discomfort and recognize that if it feels hard then it means I am probably growing.”
Ugh Brene, why you gotta do me like that?
Anytime I feel discomfort, there’s actually an invitation for greater growth. And if I want to grow and become a person that embodies things like kindness, goodness and self-control, I need to accept the invitation that discomfort poses:
When I feel resistance, where do I immediately want to put my attention? And how can I get deliberate instead?
Thankfully, it’s not all on me. I don’t need to rely on my own (often spotty) self-discipline because I have access to The Helper at all times. In the face of discomfort, I am learning to recognize the Holy Spirit’s gentle nudges into greater wholeness.
For example, this looks like pausing every time I reach for my phone and instead asking The Great Comforter what I might be trying to avoid. Depending on what immediately comes to mind, I then ask, "What do you want me to know about this?" or "Where can I intentionally shift my focus instead?" I am learning that where I put my attention in times of discomfort or boredom greatly influences the person I become.
My hope is that as I practice this more, I will become more aware of what triggers my discomfort and how to lean in and act deliberately despite it. Because if I encourage my spin class students to do this, surely I can do it too in my own downtime.
In the week ahead, conduct an attention audit. Utilize the Screen Time* feature on your phone to track where you spend most of your down time. You can also use this app to monitor all your other tasks. By week's end, reflect on what surprised you. *(Go to Settings → Screen Time → See All Activity).
John Mark Comer writes, “In the end, your life is no more than the sum of what you gave your attention to” (Ruthless Elimination of Hurry). What are we giving the bulk of our attention to? Ask the Holy Spirit, “what takes up the majority of my attention?” And, “is there anything you want to say about that?”
In the week ahead, start to make a list on your phone of all the moments where you felt discomfort or resistance. Notice, what was your initial response to it? What did you immediately reach for in the face of it?
Is there an area in your life you want to be more intentional about? What is it? Make a short list of some tangible ways you can be more deliberate in this area.
Speaking of getting deliberate, James Clear has some interesting thoughts on deliberate practice. In order to master a craft, it is not enough to practice for 10,000 hours but to practice deliberately. This looks like breaking down the task into skills you can master in 1-3 practice sessions. If it takes longer than that, the skill is too complex for the moment. What is a craft you are passionate about (for example: your job, side hobby, passion project, or dream)? What would it look like to break it down into tiny skills you can try to master in a few days?
I would love to hear about all of this. Comment below or feel free to message me! Hearing from you makes my day.
Housekeeping
ℹ️ Read more about An Unraveling here.
⭐️ You can expect weekly posts delivered straight to your inbox on Sunday mornings when you subscribe.
💲 By upgrading to a paid subscription, you'll gain access to additional perks such as guest essays, interviews, and the Monthly Resource Roundup.
💌 I would love to hear from you! Use the comment feature at the bottom of this page or reply via email to start a conversation.
🗣 If somebody comes to mind as you read this, feel free to share!
I love this! Well done! I read a book that one of my professors published on conflict resolution. It was as boring as wallpaper paste! But there is this one statement that was worth the whole book: “Avoidance increases your pain.“
Mind you, I can be an Olympic class procrastinator and avoid-er! But when I realized it was just increasing my pain, amplifying the problem instead of resolving it, that went along way towards me learning to pay attention when I was tempted to avoid, and instead bite the bullet to resolve the issue that was causing me anxiety!