Welcome!
Thank you for taking the time to stop by and look around.
After years of contemplating and collecting hundreds of thoughts in my google drive, I thought it was about time to be brave and let ‘em loose.
As I sifted through my thoughts, several themes began to emerge but the most prevalent was this idea of the process. Or, more specifically, engaging in the process of greater healing, freedom and restoration - the process of wholeheartedness. Thus, An Unraveling is born - a place to learn more about what it means to love God, ourselves and others with our whole heart. To know Him as one does a friend. To come home to ourselves. To act justly and do mercy.
Feel free to put your feet up and make yourself at home. All are welcome no matter where you currently stand in the journey. Shall we?
A few years back, I once spent two days unraveling a clump of statement necklaces from my high school era. Two days.
I wanted to donate the cluster but felt like it would be rude to do so in its current state. So there I was, painstakingly clawing at the knots with my nails and about ready to say screw it when the last stubborn knot finally slipped and the chunky masterpiece was released. Victory!
As I sat back and admired my work, I began to think to myself how similar this process was to my own healing journey.
You see, I have spent several years unraveling a massive knot in my heart. It is the seemingly inseparable intertwining of myself and shame and how, at times, these two appear to be one. For the majority of my life, I couldn’t have told you it was even there in the first place. It wasn’t until I hit a rock bottom point in college that I realized how much of the suffering I was experiencing stemmed from this mass in my heart. And it was only after I was able to name it did the true healing journey begin.
What started six years ago recently came to a head. I was sitting in an empty parking lot crying to my husband about this very same knot and how it still remained after years of constant unraveling. Choking up, I told him, “if I could just cut the string right where the knot begins, then maybe I could finally be free.” But before he could respond, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper, “but if you try to just cut out shame, you also cut away the parts of yourself that are still intertwined.”
Oof.
What I wanted was a quick fix. A final snip.
What I needed was the courage to continue the gentle work of unraveling, bit by bit, knot by knot, until there was finally a distinction between my whole self and snarling shame.
I think this is what a lot of the healing process ends up looking like - slow, intentional work that must be re-committed to each and every day. Some days, you will simply want to scream and reach for the kitchen shears while other days you will softly smile to yourself as you realize just how far you’ve come. Those are the days that count.
Melissa Helser wisely advises, “to live in the day but to measure in the decade.” It's nearly impossible to discern the progress of unraveling in the day-to-day but when we look back over the last decade? There the real fruit can be seen.
In order to see that fruit, we have to accept the daily invitation of Jesus to unravel. To bring Him our knotted bits of shame, trauma, heartbreak and fear, one by one, and ask for His heart and thoughts on each.
And while I know Jesus can heal anything in a moment, I also think He loves the slower process of unraveling. Because here, we get to do it in relationship, learning more about each other as we go.
That is what this Newsletter is all about: committing to the slow process of unraveling in relationship with Jesus.
I am so excited to unpack this more with you in the weeks to come.
Prompts for Further Processing:
I love homework. Maybe you do too. If not, no worries. This is simply an invitation for those who want to sit with this topic a little more in the week ahead.
Grab a pen and paper and set aside some time to answer these questions. Write down the first thing that comes up with each.
Picture yourself ten years ago today. Describe yourself during this time.
(How old were you? What did a typical day look like? What did you care about most? What did you fear the most? What were you excited about then?) Look how far you’ve come.
Picture yourself today, right where you’re at. How would you describe yourself?
(Where are you at physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually? What do you care about most? What do you think about on a daily basis? What does a typical day in your life look like? What were some of the choices you’ve made over the last ten years that have contributed to who you are today and what you are doing?
Picture yourself 10 years from now. Be specific as you describe who you hope to be and what you hope to be doing.
(Get down to the nitty gritty - how do you want others to describe you? What are you eating for breakfast? Who do you hope to be surrounded by? How do you want to spend your free time?) Is there anything you can do today to help you become that person? Are there things you can prioritize in the weeks and months ahead that could help make this more of a reality? *(While so much of our future is out of our control, there is still a need to dream, process and be intentional when it comes to who we hope to become).
Who has been one of the most influential figures in your life over the last ten years? How come? What have they taught you? How have they helped you become who you are today? If they are still alive and you are in contact with them, reach out to them and say thank you. Make their day.
Take a deep breath. Take another one. Spend some time with God asking Him these same questions.
Write down the very first thing that comes to mind when you ask. (This could be a word, phrase, picture in your imagination or general feeling - there is no box.) For example: God, how would you describe me ten years ago? Is there anything from that time in my life you want to highlight? How would you describe me today? Is there anything you want to speak to me about when it comes to my daily life? Lord, who am I becoming? Who do you want me to become? Is there anything I can prioritize now to help me become that?
Once you are done sitting with these questions, shake it out. Go for a walk or dance it out to this playlist (or the like). Then tell someone about this time. Grab a friend, partner or safe individual and process what came up. Invite someone into the process of becoming with you.
Housekeeping
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🎨 Art by @jordanklancaster.