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I love a good question.
So much so that whenever I come across one that truly resonates, I add it to a note on my phone titled "Better Questions to Ask."
For example, here are a few you might find:
If you could be a professional artist in any area, what would it be?
When you think of the word home, what comes to mind?
Which TV show or movie shaped you the most as a child?
You’ll often find me subtly referencing this list during dinner parties or coffee meet-ups in an attempt to get to know people more. Not only are these questions fun, but they give you a greater insight into the person sitting right in front of you.
All questions are good but some are better than others.
For example, instead of asking someone, “How are you?,” we can say, “Tell me about your week so far.” Or instead of, “How was your trip?” we can ask, “What’s one moment from the trip that you can’t stop thinking about?”
The specificity is what counts here.
I think that’s why we’re often given “meh” answers after asking people broader questions like, “Tell me about yourself.” When we ask more specific questions, we get more honest answers. They help gain greater understanding into the other person’s heart and thought process.
I’ve noticed that my relationship with God works in much of the same way.
When I started asking God specific questions, I began to understand Him better and connect more deeply with His heart.
For example:
"What's on your heart today, Jesus? What are you praying for today?"
"Jesus, I feel really anxious and don’t know why. Where is this anxiety coming from?"
"This person really needs you, and I don’t know what to say. What do you want to tell them right now?"
"I don't understand this verse in the Bible. Where can I look for more clarity?"
Now, I know this might seem a little “out there” — not only do I ask God questions but I actually expect some answers. Yet, that’s the beauty of doing life with Jesus—He made a way for the Holy Spirit to come so we could have constant access to Him and the Father.
Melissa Helser beautifully describes the Holy Spirit as,
“The Crescendo of the Cross. He came to swallow up loneliness.”
I love this because I have found it to be true.
When we recognize that, through the Holy Spirit, we can “talk to God as one does a friend” (Exodus 33:11), it changes everything.
One of the first things that changes is our ability and boldness to ask questions. If Jesus came to offer us a relationship with the Trinity, then conversation—asking and answering questions, talking and listening for a response—becomes a key part of that relationship.
In any new relationship, conversations often begin with simple questions like, “So, tell me about yourself!” But over time, as trust gets built, we get to start asking more of the nitty gritty, “No but why did you say that then…”
As we learn to ask more specific questions—not just of God, but of ourselves and others—we’ll find that we uncover more of the relational intimacy we seek.
I can personally attest to this.
My friends Lauren and Michael have three sticky notes above their front door that read, "Ask Good Questions."
The first time I visited their apartment and saw it, I thought, "Ahhh yes, my people."
Every time they leave the house, they're gently reminded to stay curious and ask more meaningful questions. And I can vouch for this: whenever they ask me something, it’s always thoughtful and specific, leaving me feeling seen, known, and loved.
They’ve taught me how to ask better questions and be a better listener—not just with others, but with Jesus as well. They remind me that the more I step out in faith and boldly ask Him specific, nitty-gritty questions, the more I walk away knowing Him on a deeper level and feeling truly known myself.
May this be a week full of greater knowing.
Grab something to write with and spend some time with these questions:
When was the last time you felt truly heard by someone? How did that experience make you feel?
Is there something you wish people would ask you about, but they never do?
What's one question you hate being asked?
“People would know me a lot better if they just asked about…”
Melissa Helsler poses these questions to her students at the 18 Inch Journey:
Ask the Holy Spirit:
How can I practice building intentional friendship with you?
Where do you want to meet me in my daily life and bring help, correction and comfort?
Esther Perel is the queen of questions. So much so that she created a game out of it. Here are some of my favorites she asks:
What’s an encounter with a stranger you will never forget?
What is something you’d whisper in the ear of your younger self?
What is a risk you took that changed your life?
What music would you like people to play at your funeral and why?
If you had another career, what would it be?
Do you have a favorite question to ask people? I would love to hear it. Comment below or message me.
Housekeeping
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