We're talking shadow sides and the Enneagram
and my brother Max
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My little brother Max called me last week with big news.
“Morgan…did you know that I am actually a 7 on the Enneagram?”
To which I replied, “YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.”
I’ve been trying to get this kid to take the Enneagram test for the last three years and every time I bring it up, I’m met with either an eye roll or a “Yeah, for sure, I’ll do that” - to no avail.
After my initial outrage subsided, we ended up having a great conversation about what he learned. He was able to articulate some of his deeper motivations and desires. He finally had the words for what it's really like to live inside his head.
That’s why I love personality tests like the Enneagram so much - they give us language.
They help us articulate our internal realities—those things we know to be true but struggle to express to others. It’s like fumbling around in the dark and finally finding the light switch—suddenly, everything comes into focus.
“Language is our portal to meaning-making, connection, healing, learning and self-awareness. Having access to the right words can open up entire universes…language shows us that naming an experience doesn’t give the experience more power, it gives us the power of understanding and meaning.” (Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart)
My guess is that you’ve probably heard of the Enneagram by now, and even taken the test yourself.
If not, the Enneagram is an ancient personality typing system designed to help you better understand yourself. By categorizing people into one of nine personality types (or numbers), the Enneagram offers insight into our core motivations, strengths, fears, values, unconscious beliefs, and even our "shadow side."
Our shadow side consists of the parts of ourselves that remain hidden in our subconscious. It is the accumulation of our untamed emotions, unprocessed motives, and unwanted traits that we deem wrong or undesirable (like shame, sadness, rage or laziness).
Most of the time, we’re unaware of our shadow side and how it’s influencing our behaviors. We tend to gravitate towards certain things and shirk others without a second thought. We go about our lives and then get confused why we reacted a certain way to a seemingly minor event. Our shadow side is a big reason why we “do what we do not want to do” (Romans 7:15) and aren’t sure why we do it.
As M. Robert Mulholland puts it in Invitation to a Journey,
“Left to ourselves in the development of our spiritual practices, we will generally gravitate to those spiritual activities that nurture our preferred pattern of being and doing. The shadow side of our preference pattern will languish, unattended and unnurtured. For instance, extraverts will tend to develop a highly social spirituality but avoid solitude or reflection. Thinking persons will tend to be more theological and analytical in their spirituality but they may slight the emotional aspects of their relationship with God and others. The results of such one-sided spirituality can be devastating to our spiritual pilgrimage. The undernourished shadow side will, sooner or later, demand equal time.”
If we remain unaware of our shadow side, eventually it will come back to bite us. It can create roadblocks on our path towards greater wholeheartedness, leaving us unsure of how to move forward. In order to live into the fullness of all that we were created to be, we have to learn how to engage with our shadow side and make the subconscious, conscious.
This is where tools like the Enneagram come into play.
While the results of personality tests aren't absolute truths, they help provide us with language to better understand our inner workings—especially the parts we might have overlooked.
“The true purpose of the Enneagram is to reveal your shadow side and offer spiritual counsel on how to open it to the transformative power of grace.” (Ian Morgan Cron, The Road Back to You)
Thankfully, we don’t have to navigate the integration of our shadow side alone. We have access to The One who knows all things and His boundless grace to guide us through the process.
The true value of any tool, whether it's the Enneagram or something else, lies in its ability to give us language that we can then bring before the Lord and ask for His heart in the matter. We can process with Him.
Now, I know some of us might be cringe in reading all this. We don’t like being reduced to a number or we might feel wary of anything that promotes healing apart from the Lord. But the Enneagram is simply an available tool that can be used to help get to know ourselves better. As we do, we get to know God better.
As Tim Keller says,
“We cannot know God without knowing ourselves, and we cannot know ourselves without knowing God. The two kinds of knowledge are interdependent--they rise or fall together.”
As we get to know ourselves more, there is an invitation to bring this newfound knowledge to the throne of Grace. As we process with Him, we discover more of His heart and what He values. We can see what resonates and what should be tossed aside.
So if you’ve been hesitating to take a personality test like the Enneagram (looking at you, Will), take a cue from Max and just try. You might be surprised at what you find.
For those that want to spend a little more time with this in the week ahead:
Take the Enneagram test and discover your number (bet you didn’t see that coming lol). You can take a free test here. If you’ve already taken it, you can read more about your number here, here and here
After reading more about your number, spend some time with these questions:
As you learn more about your number, how do you feel? What initial emotion surfaces?
What resonates with you? Jot down 3-5 specific things.
What frustrates you about your number? Is there something you wish you could change about yourself?
What do you appreciate about your number? What strengths stand out?
What do you secretly wish for but would never utter out loud? Write down the first thing that comes up.
Now spend some time with the Lord and process these answers with Him. Ask Him:
What do you want to highlight about my number?
What is something I need to become more aware of?
What strengths have you uniquely gifted me with?
Can you bring to mind a memory that directly reflects my number? What is the memory? What do you want to reveal to me through it?
What do you want to say about the secret wish I’m afraid to express?
As you sit with these questions, write down the first thing that comes to mind without judgement.
I would love to hear from you! What is your Enneagram number? What came up for you as you read this?
Comment below:
Or message me individually! I can’t wait to hear from you.
Housekeeping
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