What Is Success?
And why the Forbes 30 under 30 list sucks
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Question: What is success?
In 2011, Forbes published its inaugural issue of the 30 under 30 list.
Among those highlighted were Donald Glover, Mac Miller, Instagram's Kevin Systrom, and Daniela Witten—a twenty-six-year-old biostatistics professor at UW (Go Dawgs). Since then, this list has expanded to 20 different categories, celebrating the achievements of 600 people annually (and that’s just in the United States). It has become a cultural touchstone - a symbol for what our society values most.
The other day I was talking with a group of friends about the moment we all realized we would probably never make it onto one of these lists—and the meltdowns that followed. As silly as it sounds, I doubt we are the only ones. Lists like these perpetuate a subtle yet significant societal pressure: time is running out to make your mark.
We found ourselves pondering questions such as, "What does it mean if I haven't reached a certain milestone by my 30th or 40th birthday? Does that label me a failure, or is it just a sign that my journey to success follows a different path?"
But what even is success?
Lately I have been asking myself (and everyone I know) this same question.
Growing up, I believed that success equated to three things: recognition, respect and reward. People know who you are, respect what you do and you get paid a lot of money to do it.
This definition may be specific to me due to my upbringing or the cultural messages I embodied but all of us have to reckon with our underlying beliefs around success at some point.
How do I define success? What are my metrics for a life well lived? What am I measuring these against?
As I wrestled with these the last few weeks, I asked a bunch of people in my life how they define success and here are some of the answers I got:
Right? Incredible.
What I love about these answers is that nobody mentioned a certain amount of money, follower count, relationship status or material possession. Each response was unique to the person’s current season and values (as it should be). There is no one right answer when it comes to success but it is something that is constantly getting re-evaluated with each new season.
Which leaves me wondering, how do I define success in this current season? As I reflect, talk to people I admire, and read books on the subject, I find myself also going back to the ultimate example of a life well lived here on earth: my homeboy Jesus.
The Bible has a lot to say on this topic but one of my favorite stories can be found in John 17 when Jesus is praying to The Father the night before His death:
“I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do” (V.4).
At the end of His life here on earth, Jesus reflects and comments on how we has remained faithful through it all. He finished well.
One of my biggest prayers is that when I get to the end of my life, not only will I have finished running my race but finished well. That I will look more like Jesus and love Him, myself and others more with each passing day.
All of us are asked to run our own race, not looking to the right or left at what anyone else is doing, but focusing our eyes straight ahead. As we run, we can ask the Lord, “what are you asking of me in this current season?”
This will look different for everyone because God loves to get specific. For example, in this current season the Lord could be asking you to start a business, make room for more rest, focus on being a mom, volunteer at a specific organization, move to a new city, stay with your job, prioritize certain relationships, risk, or settle in. Our lives might look different from everyone else’s but that’s not a bad thing. As we listen for more of His heart, we can be asking, “what are you inviting me into right now?" And, “what does it look like to remain faithful to that ask?”
The other week I was re-reading one of my all time favorite books, Tattoos On The Heart. It’s on my, “If you are friends with me then eventually you are required to read this” list.
In one of the last chapters, Father Greg Boyle shares a story about a time when someone asked him if he was successful. Was his life’s work of gang intervention, rehab and re-entry considered a success?
He responded by quoting Mother Theresa:
“God has not called me to be successful. He has called me to be faithful.”
SHOOT.
I am not asked to be successful. Only faithful. Which means I can be free from worrying about making a certain list or hitting a certain milestone by a certain age. All I have to focus on is being faithful to what is being asked of me in this season. I get to move one step closer to the goal of not only finishing my race but finishing well.
Thank goodness.
Prompts For Further Processing:
If you want to spend more time with this, create some space to sit with these questions.
How do you currently define success? What are your measures for a life well lived? Write down the first thing that comes to mind without judging it.
Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Picture the most successful person you know (it doesn’t have to be someone you know personally). What makes them successful in your mind? These are some of your actual measures of success.
In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, Stephen Covey has readers write their own eulogy as an exercise to see what they value. What do you hope people will say about you at the end of your life? Do this exercise. Spend some time writing your own eulogy. What comes up for you?
Looking over your eulogy, what values stand out to you? For example: compassion, generosity, courage, humor, kindness, etc. What would it look like to intentionally practice these values in the week ahead? Write a list of 3-5 small actions you could take to embody these values more.
Reach out to someone you trust (a friend, therapist, parent, partner, etc) and talk about what came up for you during this time. Ask them if they perceive any values in you that you may have overlooked in your eulogy.
If nobody comes to mind, message me! I would love to hear from you. What are your metrics for a life well lived? What is highlighted in your eulogy? What does being faithful mean to you?
Extra Links
This Malcom Gladwell article on Late Bloomers.
Linked above but also linking it here, Christine Caine’s sermon on running your own race.
How To Be Unsuccessful by Pete Portal.
Gallup’s research article on how Americans define success.
Housekeeping
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