Pushing Past Our Limits
And how I ended up scrolling Youtube shorts for an hour.
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Question: What can I do to help me come down instead of scrolling?
A few days ago, I spent about an hour scrolling through YouTube Shorts.
AN HOUR.
Youtube. Shorts.
Not TikTok. Not Instagram. Not even full Youtube videos but Youtube shorts. How had I fallen so low?
The short story is that I got triggered earlier that morning but decided to push through and try to be productive, only to end up completely overwhelmed by the end of the night.
The longer story is that I had overridden my limits and narrowed my window of tolerance to a point of collapse.
The Window of Tolerance refers to the range of stress we can handle before becoming hyper-aroused (anxious/irritated) or hypo-aroused (depressed/apathetic). This window varies for everyone, based on things like our current stress levels and our ability to recover from stress in the moment.
Unfortunately, many of us live with a narrow window and might not even realize it.
One of the main ways our Window of Tolerance gets narrowed is by consistently overriding our limits.
Limits represent our true capacity—the reality of where we are, not where we wish we could be.
Our personal limits fluctuate based on everything from our current season of life, to how much sleep we got the night before, past experiences of trauma, or having an intense deadline at work. Among these, the current width of our window is one of our most important limits.
But how can we determine the current width of our window?
In her phenomenal book, Widen the Window, Elizabeth Stanley breaks it down for us:
"A major clue that we have overridden our limits and narrowed our window is when we waste our time, spin our wheels and dissipate our energy in too many directions. When this occurs, it is simply our brains and bodies trying to restore us to a place of balance.”
In other words, scrolling through YouTube shorts for an hour instead of going to bed. This urge to scroll was actually my body signaling that I was outside my window and had slipped into a state of hypo-arousal. I needed rest but was denying myself due to my daunting to-do list.
“Our body doesn’t lie. It always points us to our unvarnished reality right now” (Elizabeth Stanley).
So, whenever we catch ourselves suddenly craving a sweet treat, adding more items to our shopping cart, snapping at others, scrolling TikTok for hours, or obsessively checking for a text back, it's likely our body's way of signaling that we've exceeded our window of tolerance. We might be experiencing hyper- or hypo-arousal, prompting us to seek short-term coping mechanisms for relief.
While not inherently bad, these habits can actually increase our stress levels in the moment and narrow our window even further.
So what do we do instead?
So glad you asked! In her book, Stanley introduces the Skillful Choices Hierarchy - a graph depicting the most common coping habits. The habits at the bottom are more harmful and narrow our window of tolerance further, while those at the top help us expand it.
The next time we find ourselves scrolling late at night, chances are we have ignored our limits and pushed past them, narrowing our window in the process. When this is the case, instead of beating ourselves up, we can simply notice it and meet ourselves with grace.
It’s a wild world, and we’re all doing the best we can. The good news is that there are helpful tools, like the ones listed above, to help us get back inside our window and accept Jesus’ invitation of rest.
“Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
Amidst a world that is constantly screaming at us to “push harder” and “don’t waste the momentum,” Jesus offers us another way. A slower way.
As we start to get honest about our actual limits in the moment, we can begin to accept this invitation. Indeed Lord, I am weary. I am stressed. I am triggered. I can’t handle this alone.
Thankfully, we don’t have to. When we find ourselves outside our window of tolerance, He is able to meet us exactly where we are at with kindness and compassion. The Holy Spirit can help guide us back towards a more regulated state, helping us move forward with grace.
The next time we notice we have pushed past our limits and fallen outside our individual window, what would it look like to pause and invite Jesus into that space? To get honest about what made us triggered/stressed/mad/sad/confused and ask for His heart of compassion in return? To ask the Holy Spirit, “where am I in the window of tolerance?” And, “what do I need to return to a state of rest?”
I wish I had done that instead of scrolling the other night but hey, there’s always tomorrow.
Prompts For Further Processing:
For those that want to spend a little more time with this.
Take some space to reflect on your past week. Make a list of all the times you felt like you needed to "grin and bear it" or "push through." These instances likely indicate moments when you ignored your body's signals about your true limits. This will look different for everyone. Without judgment, examine the list for any patterns. Then, ask the Lord if there is anything He wants to share with you about it.
Look through the Skillful Choices Hierarchy. Which of these coping behaviors stand out to you? Which do you tend to rely on to help make you feel better in the moment? No judgement, we all have something. What would it look like to exchange that coping behavior for one of the ones towards the top of the graph in the week ahead?
In general, the next time you feel anxiety, fear, irritation, or anger, chances are you are in a state of hyper-arousal and need a way to expend the excess stress energy. One of the best ways to do this is by moving/dancing to a 15 minute playlist like this one or this one. Now create your own! Start with more intense songs and move towards more happy and calm ones as it progresses to help you re-regulate.
If we're feeling depressed, apathetic, frozen, or unable to function, we're likely in a state of hypo-arousal and need to up-regulate to get back inside our window. Activities like taking a walk outside, doing yoga, singing, cooking, moving to this playlist, or talking to a trusted person can help. Even if it feels like the last thing you want to do, try going for a ten-minute walk, calling a friend, and then making yourself a snack the next time you feel this way.
I would love to hear from you! Please let me know if this was helpful or what you would like to see more of in the weeks ahead.
Housekeeping
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