What is dread trying to tell me?
And what can I do about it?
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Recently, I’ve noticed myself dreading certain phone calls-whether it’s with the bank, doctor’s office, or certain people. I keep pushing them off, telling myself, "I’ll do it tomorrow," without ever getting to it.
At first, I chalked it up to procrastination or introversion. But then I started to notice a palpable sense of dread just thinking about dialing the phone, and I started to wonder if something else was going on.
Turns out, this feeling of dread has a lot to tell us.
Dread is a form of anxiety that often feels like procrastination or even depression. It goes beyond a typical fear response, stemming from the body’s anticipation of discomfort or pain in a situation, leading to that heavy, sinking feeling. This ultimately has to do with our window of tolerance. (Neurobiological Substrates of Dread).
As a quick refresher, the window of tolerance is the range of stress our nervous system can handle on any given day without feeling overwhelmed. It’s the space where we can experience our emotions, sensations, and everyday challenges without becoming dysregulated or reactive.
Anytime we feel dread, it’s a signal that we’ve stepped outside our window of tolerance.
This isn’t something to beat ourselves up about or get frustrated by. Instead, whenever we feel a sense of dread, there’s an invitation to get curious and compassionate. Our body is simply letting us know that it needs more support. Oftentimes, that support looks like greater boundaries.
In Set Boundaries, Find Peace, Nedra Glover Tawwab says,
“Boundaries are a safeguard to overextending yourself.”
When we dread something, that’s our body’s way of telling us that it doesn’t feel like it has the capacity to handle the situation or it feels overextended.
For example, when we dread going to work, seeing a particular person at Thanksgiving, or scheduling a dentist appointment, this is our body’s subtle cue that something needs to change or that we need more support.
Dread often stems from feeling trapped or without options. Whether it’s about work or family obligations, it’s a clue that we may need to establish firmer boundaries and recognize that we always have choices.
In her book, Try Softer, Aundi Kolber shares an example of this:
“A few years ago I realized I needed to make some changes around how I managed my private (counseling) practice. Through the twinges of dread that would begin in my stomach and rise to my throat, my body had been letting me know that my current situation wasn’t working. I realized I needed to build in more breaks, establish stronger boundaries, and end my days earlier. Though I considered that some people might think I was making these shifts for my own convenience, I sensed internally that I had to re-arrange the practical aspects of my day-to-day life to honor my whole self. As soon as I listened to my body and took those small steps to give myself more breathing room, the apprehension began to dissipate and I felt a renewed sense of hope.”
Now, I know we can’t always rearrange our daily lives like she does, but I love how this story tangibly shows us what it looks like to listen to our bodies and care for it with greater boundaries.
Boundaries are a sticky topic for most of us, but know that even when it feels like we can’t possible say no or change our schedule, there is always another choice.
As we practice listening to our bodies more and paying attention to the signals it gives, we start to realize we have more choices than we initially thought. When we’re outside our window of tolerance, setting boundaries or making decisions can feel overwhelming. However, as we grow in curiosity and self-compassion, this process becomes a bit easier.
So, the next time we find ourselves feeling that sense of dread, remember that this is our body gently signaling for a bit more boundaries moving forward.
Is there anything you’re currently dreading? Ask your body what it needs to feel more supported in this area. What’s the first thing that comes to mind?
The Lord cares deeply about our bodies and our boundaries. Take some time in His presence and reflect on these questions:
Where did I first learn about boundaries?
Are there any boundaries I need to establish more firmly?
Is there anything I need to say no to in this season?
Are there any boundaries that may be too rigid, which I can soften?
What does my body need to feel more resourced and cared for this week?
When we find ourselves outside our window of tolerance, Aundi Kolber suggests using grounding techniques as a way to help us return to a state of balance. When we feel things like dread or overwhelm, we can use the “I am aware” tool to help reconnect with our surroundings. This involves identifying our sensory experiences, such as:
“I am aware of the temperature in the room.”
“I am aware of the texture of the wall.”
“I am aware of the ground beneath my feet.”
“I am aware of the scent of the candle.”
We can continue with this practice until we feel more anchored in the present moment and feel the unsettling sensations begin to fade.
💌 I would love to hear from you! Did this resonate with you? Use the comment feature at the bottom of this page or reply via email to start a conversation.
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